This is some of what I've learned about psychological safety from a few different expert sources over the years, and mixing in some of my own experiences and my coachees' experiences.
We’re terrible at having our best and most creative ideas (Note: plural!) when lions jump out of a bush unexpectedly and want to eat us. Situations of perceived high stress trigger us to our survival instincts.
The most commonly known model of what happens to us when we're in a stressful situation is the Fight-Flight response. Over the years of research, this theory and model have evolved to include additional instinctual possibilities such as Freeze and Surrender. We’ll likely see more versions of this as the incredibly young school of “psychology” continues to expand our knowledge of how we are the way we are, and why, and how we can change. Peter Levine's "Waking The Tiger" was and still is one of the most influential books, based on research, in this area.
Every perceived (we don’t notice everything!) change in our environment, causes a physiological response within us, beyond the control of our mind. This instinctual response is critical to our survival - it operates subconsciously (ie, under the level of our awareness, like digestion). We receive a little or a lot of several biochemicals that are very helpful in bad situations, and frequently over-the-top (OTT) in not-so-bad situations.
Biochemicals such as:
- adrenaline (a stimulant to make us quicker and have more stamina; unfortunately also addictive);
- testosterone (an aggressiveness enhancer);
- cortisol (an incredibly effective painkiller, which you’d want a lot of if a lion was actually eating you alive, but not if you’re in dancing in a debate with someone you care about - not a fight to the death)
The quantity of the biochemical “hit” varies between tiny and huge. Think about the last time something happened to you and you were suddenly hot, sweaty, and shaking, with your heart pounding away - that’s huge! What happens to you when you nearly knock over a glass of milk? Or when a noisy lorry goes past your house while you’re eating dinner with your family? Heavy rain catches you outside unexpectedly several seconds away from nearest shelter?
Relative Quantity of Biochemical Response to Perceived Changes
Changes that are … | Expected | Unexpected |
Desired | tiny response (“Yay!”) | medium response (“Wow!”) |
Undesired | big response (“Darn!”) | huge response (“$£%$£!”) |
Just through ordinary everyday living, we are continuously receiving response “hits” that we’re usually unaware of. The effects accumulate as the volume of the biochemicals increases with each “hit”.
- Death of child
- Death of spouse
- Death of parent
- Death of close friend, relative or family friend
- Divorce
- Being fired
- Redundancy
- Bankruptcy
- Emigrating
- Moving house
- Getting married
- Having a baby
- Starting a new job
- Terminal illness
- Close person diagnosed with terminal illness
The more of these biochemicals we have in our bodies, the more likely and quickly we will trigger all the way into a Fight-Flight-Freeze-Surrender response SUBCONSCIOUSLY. Subconsciously means that we are not aware of the change - that we are suddenly in an altered state. From our inner inside experience, in our own minds/heads, everything seems normal, until afterwards, when we reflect or when we keep remembering but do not know why we keep remembering the scene. Which we may be numb about when we recall. Or we get feedback from someone, or some people, that we just cannot understand. It makes no sense. Maybe even we dismiss it as "pure nonsense" - because from our experience and our perspective it is non-sensical. But, from others' who observed, it was real.
- FIGHT: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”, “I WILL STOP YOU!” Short thoughts. Simple moves. Small words. No arguing or listening. Defiant or totally justifiable action-speech-actions. I win, you lose. End.
- FLIGHT: “I’m feeling extremely ill / suffering from a lot of abdominal or head pain suddenly, and must leave right now!”. “I MUST GO, NOW!”. “I need to read and respond to urgent emails/messages, and disengage myself from this conversation/group/event”. Sophisticated ways of escaping from the situation. Conscious awareness moves away by any means it can, to stay alive.
- FREEZE: “BLANK”. Total blank mind. “CONFUSION”. Defensive body postures. No verbal responses. Listening but unable to think at all. Just hearing. No ideas, no questions, just “blank”. Like being anaesthetised. Awake but not home.
- SURRENDER: “Okay, it’s fine, I will take this for the team” “Trust me, I can handle this, blame me, I’ll be fine” No logic. Just “fine”. Self sacrifice. I’ll volunteer to do that thing, don’t worry, I can manage! Appeasing. Anything to get past the event “Live, to fight another day, err… maybe! Hopefully!!”
When we as individuals are perpetually in, or close to being in, a triggered state, there is no psychological safety for us. A group striving for a “safe space” to openly talk, think freely, listen deeply, create together, create a shared vision, align, act as one … if there is even one person in the group who is not substantially below their “High Tide” mark, it is very likely that even the very best of group dynamics will cause this person to experience unexpected change (desirable or not) and their biochemical mix will rise over their “high tide” level triggering their FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE-SURRENDER responses. No response from one or more people on a decision, or for inputs to a complex problem, is not the same as consent, really! And thus the group cohesively will not be able to achieve “psychological safety”.
Of course, better outcomes to result if the group is mature and know that this is exactly what is happening to one of the group members who is momentarily unable to fully access all of their psyche / their inner world. The individual's psyche is restricted and limited, subconsciously, and they’re not aware of it - they feel "fine". Communicating between those who can see and know what is going on with the triggered person, and the triggered person with restricted psyche is extremely difficult, and requires a great deal of training. Their body is present, but the “reality” they are living in temporarily is not the same as the rest of the group who are untriggered. This is far more difficult than people speaking different languages at each other, not able to understand each other at all. Add in the confusion that just moments before everyone was speaking and understanding together just like "normal".
So… you want psychological safety? Get on top of your stress, your stressors, the group’s stress, and the group’s stressors. Develop your methods of hygiene and practice them, when you don't need them, so that in the moment when you need to be your best self, you have the best chance of doing so.
A declaration, a crowd sourced meeting agreement, including a brief discussion on “psychological safety” or “vulnerability”, or knowing 3 “private life facts” about someone, will not give you (or them) what you’re looking for. It’s much bigger than a simple transactional conversation between people - it is a relationship that accepts and supports everyone in that relationship. And it's only 1 of the conditions identified by Google that need to be present for a team to be highly performant. Which means they're having some really great, innovative, creative ideas, and selecting well, and implementing really well also.
