My favourite coaching tools: "What do I do that...?"

Caveats:

It is very very extremely extremely uncomfortable uncomfortable to ask for feedback the first time. But every time it is asked for, it get's a whole lot less comfortable. I teach my coachees to ask for feedback in this way, as well with their own customised 360 appraisals where the local HR system is insufficient in my opinion. But this caveat applies to really helping coachees take this first step, to requesting, and preparing them for receiving the feedback, and later on for processing what the feedback means and then deciding what to do.

I learned about this tool in 2007 on a soft skills training course and I don't know where the trainer found it. I have applied it successfully for my own growth approximately every 3 months for years and years now. I have also taught it to many others for their own growth for many years too. It is very simple, very quick, and extremely effective. Essentially this tool is also part of Peter Drucker's "manager's letter" which I previously wrote about.

Requirements:
A well selected colleague to ask in a safe environment
Paper/diary and pen

Step 1: Coachee thanks the colleague for coming to the meeting. Coachee explains that they would like to improve their effectiveness at work, and that this is 1 of the steps in order to do so. That this step is about understanding how others - the colleague - perceive the coachee.

Step 2: Coachee then asks the simple question "What do I do that helps you?". And remains open with facial expression, body language and speech whilst writing notes down on everything that is provided. When the colleague has finished, the coachee thanks the colleague for their input.

What Do I Do That Helps? Accept Your Feedback Whatever It Is!

Step 3: And now for the more tricky (cringe factor) question "What do I do that hinders you?". Again, thanks to the previous practice with remaining open and non-judging in Step 2, the coachee simply copies all the input down as it comes. This is not the time to process, nor is the time to defend. The job is keep listening and keep making notes, no matter what is said.

What Do I Do That Hinders? Accept Your Feedback Whatever It Is!

Most times what is said is quite good, insightful and valuable. Exactly what we want for self-growth! This is partly because we "prime" the other person's thoughts, and set the tone of the feedback with the opening "What helps?" question. Psychology is actually really good stuff - when used appropriately!

Occasionally an inappropriate attack or negative criticism is passed, but this is extremely rare in my experience, and also in my many coachees' experiences. The great thing about becoming adults is that we realise and learn to tone down our childhood ability to be just plain horrible to each other without realising how horrible we're being! Adults treat these opportunities to provide feedback to colleagues with respect and sincerity, usually.

(only some 2 year old psyches are walking around in adult bodies sometimes get nasty with giving feedback - and you can learn a great deal about yourself from them also!)

Step 4: When the input is completed, the coachee again thanks the provider.

Step 5: SOMETIMES MAGIC happens at this point. This is when the colleague has just experienced a MOMENT and now wishes to receive feedback also. And the coachee now becomes the mentor of this new tool as well as the provider of respectful feedback.

Step 6: Final thanks and wrap up of the session.

After the session, the input is now analysed for interesting (positive, negative, confusing, learnings, etc) things which I and the coachee discuss. Occasionally the input causes an emotional response - be prepared! Self-growth and self-awareness is not an easy ride. Remember to breathe!

Reflect And Grow Your Self, Help Them Grow Themself By Your Example

Over time, as the people giving feedback and the coachee become familiar with the tool, and with each other in this new dimension of their relationship, there does exist the opportunity to clarify feedback where it is vague or abstract. To ask for specific objective examples and separate out the feelings and really increase the level of empathy and understanding of what's really going on at work.

This data collected is then used as input to the coaching plan. Sometimes some of the feedback is so powerful to the coachee that they write key items on post-it notes and stick them up on the refrigerator at home, or monitor - anywhere they can see them often, can see them at the beginning of the day and be reminded to repeat, or to not repeat actions/behaviours which resulted in the feedback.

I suggest every 3 months initially and then as the relationship between the feedback requester and responder grows and changes, a natural rhythm will emerge. Of course if the coachee is not seen to be adjusting problematic behaviour from the responder's point of view, eventually the responder will stop providing so it is important to take on board the feedback and work on any issues discovered - sometimes maybe not changing own behaviour but helping the responder change theirs using influence.

My favourite coaching tools: Peter Drucker's "manager's letter"

Caveats:
Coaching with Peter Drucker's Manager's Letter has a little similarity to my previous tool posting Record, Typeup and Playback. I think this tool can be used for everyone, including your Self :). I might use this Drucker tool instead of Record, Typeup and Playback or I might use it with. It really depends on the coachee, and the manager, and if there is a particular aspect that has been highlighted and we all need a little more information before proceeding in the right direction!

I discovered the manager's letter in the fantastic book Essential Drucker (Classic Drucker Collection) that contains 26 chapters by ONE OF THE management guru's - Dr Peter Drucker.

I cannot highly recommend this book enough to anyone studying management or anyone wanting to become a better manager. It's the only book out of the hundreds I own and have read that I actually underlined, drew pictures in and made comments in the margins. I love my books and keep them in pristine condition but Drucker's ideas, tools and writing style inspired me to break my rules.

A few years later I read his other incredible and inspirational book from the 1950's - The Practice of Management!

Words escape me trying to describe or summarise main points. Every sentence and every paragraph on all but 2 pages expanded my thinking in some way. It took quite a while to get through that one - a great deal of introspection and reflection of past management situations to recall and reconsider.

Required:
Text editor
Sufficient time

The coachee writes a 1 page letter to their line manager or their peer. In this letter the coachee:

Step 1:  Identifies the superior's job's objectives, and the objectives of their own job as they see them.

This is not a copy-and-paste out of an intranet web page or HR tool. It is written concisely and clearly in their own language, and from memory/current understanding of these 2 areas.

What matters in this step and in each of the next steps is that the responses are really the coachee's perception of reality, uninfluenced by any external things.

Step 2: Next the coachee sets out the performance standards that they understand and being applied to them.

Again, not a copy-and-paste, and again brutally honest, own language, own experience, own understanding.

Step 3: Then the coachee lists the things they must do themselves to attain the goals, and also lists the major obstacles to attaining the goals.

Often organisations are adept at creating vague, abstract and almost meaningless goals, weak actions (which are not actually changes or growth makers) to achieve the goals and transparent obstacles in order to not offend anyone and to ensure some HR or governance checklist is all ticked off. Here again, it is important to get total honesty from the coachee and list real items.

Step 4: Next on the letter is the list of things the superior and company do that help, and the list of things the superior and the company do that hinder.

This is basically one of the most powerful and simple 1-1 solicited feedback tools I ever learned, used, still use and now teach! I even wrote it up as another favourite coaching tool - What Do I Do That Helps You? What Do I Do That Hinders You?

Step 5: The final piece of the letter is the coachee's proposal of what he/she wants to do over the next year to reach his goals.

Yes - the always important "call to adventure" that all such exercises conclude with. Without thinking through the next small change in the short-term future, that "thought precedes reality" stuff will not occur. So we have to lay the seed(s)/frame the future(s)/formulate the vision(s)...or just simply START!

The Manager's Letter should be deployed twice a year according to Peter's research and experience with the managers (and their departments) he was working with. I've not yet had the pleasure of seeing a second/followup letter but I hope my coachees who wrote it once with my guidance, at least write it for themselves, if not for their newly inspired managers.

Successfully deployed and used by managers and their reports, this rolling system of staying relevant and updating of goals and understanding in both directions is much better than forced HR/MBO systems which only uncover almost nonsense by only touching on 1 of the above 5 sections. Peter also advises that when used correctly, the manager can accept the letter which then becomes the agreed charter between manager and subordinate. But this really does require a substantial level of relationship between the 2 individual as well as trust within the greater organisation.

Drucker's Manager's Letter Helps Reports And Leaders Identify Gaps In Understanding And Plan To Align And Close Them

Of course, if there are surprises in the letter that expose some lurking misunderstandings, the chance to have clearing up conversation(s) and take corrective action(s) now exists! Before things go really bad unnecessarily. In general the writer and manager/peer/coach will have a good conversation to ensure everyone is on the same page before going further...and accepting the charter (modified or not).

Though, as coach, reviewing the surprises in the letters I have seen, and humbly inquiring - sometimes the coachee, sometimes of the manager - I have helped highlight how important every manager interaction and comment is. Subordinates constantly form incorrect impressions and hence behave in non-beneficial ways (good people making good decisions based on bad data). But once the correct intention is illuminated, things get better and easier! Alignment is a really powerful, commonsense thing to achieve in order to achieve greater goals together synergistically!

Coaching with Drucker's Manager's Letter can be used either as collection of data for reinterpretation, as well as to form a coaching plan. If taken "all the way" - to include the update with the manager - all parties are well primed for "Results-Based Coaching". Taken further, this Drucker tool can also be used in environments striving for deep democracy / sociocracy / stewardship - posts for another time!