My latest saying - You Are The Subject Of Your Life Story

You are the subject of your life story.

It's been inspired by Roger Evans' recently published "5DL - Five Dimensions of Leadership", available from Creative Leadership Consultants.

The actual piece that Roger describes this one-liner in is on page 93 in the chapter "1DL: The Ability to Self-Reflect"

"So as we consciously stop and reflect so we begin to realise that we are actually the subject of our thoughts and feelings rather than being the victim or object of ‘what’s out there’. This is for many such a powerful insight!

Consequently, if we are the subject of these thoughts feelings/emotions and behaviours, then the possibility exists that we can consciously control and potentially change them if we choose to do so. It means that we can begin to control our thoughts feelings and behaviours.22" 

Every sentence, thought, image, piece of music, feeling, etc that occurs to you or appears to you in your mind's eye - it is all about you. Pay attention, grow your self-awareness, take control over your mindsets and from there control your life!

Book Crossing Is Cool

Towards the end of 2016 I was at a course and 1 of the attendees mentioned "Book Crossing" and explained it as leaving and retrieving books people have placed in all kinds of places.

Finally I got around to actually researching what I had heard around September 2017. Since then I have have placed 46 books out there and am hopeful that eventually people will begin to enter reviews, or at least little comments of some kind on my bookshelf (http://www.bookcrossing.com/mybookshelf/agilecoachrob).

http://www.bookcrossing.com/about does a pretty good job of explaining what this is all about really. I think one of the most fascinating things that will emerge from this social experiment running since 2001, is the way the membership (http://www.bookcrossing.com/findmembers) will change, and some kinds of insight that will emerge of where and when books are released, and then where, when and how will those books travel to their next release point. Maybe even luckier some kind of "pure" trend about which books are more popular really / unbiased by reviewers, publishers, book sellers, prizes or any other kind of "public persuasion".

Who knows - but I am still hoping that people will pickup one of those 46 and update the locations, leave their own reviews, etc and continue this fantastic social experiment! Thankyou for supporting!

My favourite coaching tools: The Evening Review

The Evening Review is a great technique for increasing self awareness.

It is deceptively simple – but it is very powerful. The evening review puts the spotlight on all the kinds of vague impressions about how one's life is going so that one can encounter and understand more fully what is actually happening. 

Requirements:

I suggest keeping a diary/journal next to your bed.

The review method:

1. At the end of the day, preferably about 10 minutes before going to sleep, find a quiet place free from outer distractions.
2. Close your eyes, give attention to relaxing your body, quieting your feelings, and as much as possible stilling the activity of your thoughts - aka calm your "mind monkey". Your mind should be quiet and receptive, but remain alert.
3. Now, review your day in your mind, playing it back like a movie, but backwards, beginning with where you are right now, then the time of late evening, then early evening, then the dinner hour, and the late afternoon and so on until morning when you woke up - and even any disturbances of your previous night's "sleep".
4. Throughout the experience it is important to maintain as much as possible the attitude of an objective, detached, non-critical observer, calmly and clearly registering the events of the day, neither becoming elated at a success, nor depressed and unhappy about a failure. The aim is not to relive the experience, but to notice without emotion in your consciousness what were the patterns and their meaning for this day.
5. Finally, write down your general impressions of what happened and anything particular that you have learned.

There are many variations of the Evening Review. In the above form, it is very effective for gaining a greater sense of the whole of one's life.

After you have captured a few days (or many days, weeks, months or years) read through your notes and observe how they affect you. Usually people are surprised by what patterns they discover for themselves, once they just start to collect "the evidence".

And that's really what's required - once you have brought the unconscious into the conscious, suddenly you have greater awareness and from there, you have more choice about how you wish to proceed or act or behave differently - if you so choose. And hence you have more freedom!

Thank you for reading and your support!

My favourite coaching tools: Mindset Evaluation

For sure I was aware of, and thought I understood the meaning of the term "mindset" for a long time. It's only when I went a bit deeper, and upon a great reflective mediation, that I documented all (that I knew of in that moment) of mine. And there were quite a few...over 30.

Then, the hard, but most rewarding work really began.

Evaluating each of them on their merits and on their consequences...which is the first step towards freeing oneself from mindsets that no longer serve the intended positive outcome, but instead have become restrictive to the life that could be led.

As our facilitator told us, before proceeding with the mindset evaluation, look with kind eyes, and be gentle with your self and your mindset. It began its existence to serve a purpose - to protect you and guide you to the future. And it has done its job really well - hence you are alive today, and, if you are reading this and looking at your own mindsets, then it has somehow also guided you to this point where you are given permission to free yourself from this restraining pattern of being.

The 9 simple questions I use to use to evaluate a mindset:

1. How strong (on a scale of 1 to 10) is this mindset?
2. How long have I (or the coachee) had the mindset?
3. What behaviour does the mindset drive?
4. What feelings are behind the mindset?
5. How has this mindset served me (or the coachee) in the past?
6. How has this mindset limited me (or the coachee) in the past?
7. How does this mindset serve me (or the coachee) now?
8. How does this mindset limit me (or the coachee) now?
9. How would I (or the coachee) like it to be?

These question seem simple and innocent enough, but "Oh wow!" do they open up some serious thought and feeling provocations...and these of course lead to deeper realisations.

Interestingly I found some mindsets were much fresher due to a significant later life event, than most of mine which stemmed from childhood and teenage years, and in the fresher ones, I found limits, but I was happy with them as they appear to be healthy boundaries.

Also significantly I found this work incredibly exhausting - mentally and emotionally I was drained after evaluating sometimes just 1, but often no more than 3 in 1 sitting. Simple and innocent questions - I am just amazed what the right framed question does at the right time and place!

Also interestingly, several of my answers to number 7 were - "it does not!", and several answers to number 9 also converged on a similar pattern. I believe these patterns in number 9 were more indicative of my true self trying to be authentic - and hence I am doing this work, so there is quite a bit of synchronicity I believe in this exercise, if it is performed as intended: open heart, open mind, quietly and extensively.

Thank you for reading and your support!

Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment Materials Now Online

A while back I blogged about Professor Philip Zimbardo and his research and great work around post traumatic stress disorder. In his work in this area, Zimbardo has come up with a new theory of time - the Time Paradox (UK) (or US) - as well as a Personal Time Perspective Inventory which has been quite helpful to my coachees to get a better sense of "what may be".

Zimbardo speaking in Warsaw 2009

Just recently I discovered that Prof Zimbardo has made materials from the infamous "Stanford Prison Experiment" available online. Despite having first learned about the "prisoners and wardens" experiment during a university psychology module years ago, and learned about many other psychological experiments since then, the write-up and photos are still quite a shocking account of what happened during those 6 days (out of the planned 2 weeks) before the experiment was terminated early due to how quickly things got out of hand.

It's well worth the read-through, as well as watching the movie clips. It really is amazing what a system can do, and does do, to ordinary people. And as for uniforms and other physical associations. Wow.

And just when it might become grim and depressing, Zimbardo offers us all hope and salvation from the very human condition of life - his Ted Talk on Psychology of Evil. We need to celebrate heroism - the rise of the ordinary normal person who takes heroic action in the space where others are frozen.

"But I just did what any other person would have done under those circumstances"

Maybe, maybe not.

Anyway, Zimbardo for me, is a truly an amazing mind and life story with amazing benefits for humanity! For a little self-help/coaching for yourself and more detail, see my earlier Zimbardo time perspective assessment post!

My favourite coaching tools: Zimbardo's Free Personal Time Perspective Assessment

Caveats:
A reminder that all my favourite coaching tools - free, online, or other - need to be applied with the sensible cautionary advice from statistician George EP Box: "all models are wrong but some are useful". Remember also that this is about "them" and their perception - not you! I make sure to tell individual coachees, teams and team leaders these things before giving them homework or some brief presentation on Zimbardo's Time Perspective theory.

I was fortunate in 2014 to attend a Professor Philip Zimbardo talk where he introduced (me) to several topics including the The Time Paradox: Using the New Psychology of Time to Your Advantage (UK) (or US). With the Time Paradox, Zimbardo's research and theory focuses on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) sufferers and how the new theory of time helps them "catch up" with their new current reality. Another great book about PTSD and help for sufferers is from Peter Levine - Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma - The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences (UK) (or US) - which explains somatic experiencing and was my first introduction to the 3 instincts humans face when stressed - the familiar "fight", "flight" AND the 3rd one "freeze". The research in this space is amazing and continuously evolving to help us understand us and to help those who suffer.

I recommend both books to anyone in any situation - not least because sooner or later you will experience 1 or more of the top 10 stressful events in life and having any knowledge to help you deal with them is invaluable. And also because modern life is so full these days of multiple minor stressors and we've learned that all the minors add up substantially even without a top 10 stressor.

And upon receiving some feedback on this tool, I believe both books are mandatory reading for any coach deploying this free test.

Prof Zimbardo is a wonderful speaker - if you get the opportunity to watch/listen/learn - take it! Stories from his (in)famous 1971 Stanford Prison Study (anyone who studies psychology or those who want to try understand how war atrocities are committed by normal people reads about the Stanford Prison Experiment) and his own early childhood facing near certain death in a hospital ward surrounded by other dying children (amongst other very memorable anecdotes) are incredible.

Here's a much condensed Ted version of his new theory of time talk.

I believe the theory can be applied to anyone no matter what their current psychological disposition is. I mean - who wants to live a half-step behind, or a half-step ahead of current reality? Who wants to be sure they are actually "living in the moment"? I reckon everyone, upon reflection, sees the benefit of being present, preferably present in the moment.

In my coaching practice - I meet a lot of people who want to know. They have deep questions about some past event or current lifestyle "choices" they seem to fall into habitually. They want to know if they are practicing enough mindfulness meditation. They want to know if they are truly self-aware. How does anyone but the Buddha know? Anyway, my clients - like most people - want to know if they're okay! (yes they are, and not because I suggested that they completed an online test!)

Step 1:
Go to http://www.thetimeparadox.com/surveys/ - print the graph manually and keep for later. Or better still, you can save it on computer, my Macbook has a great and good-enough editing tool in the form of Preview!)

Step 2:
Do both free online tests!

• Zimbardo Time Perspective Inventory - 61 questions - takes 10-30 minutes
• Transcendental-future Time Perspective Inventory - 15 questions - takes 5-10 minutes

Step 3:
Manually plot the assessments on the survey graph paper or pdf

Step 4:
Discuss the gap between the "Ideal Time Perspective" and the coachee's results.
This is critical to get right - it is the coachee's understanding and interpretation of the gap that matters, and it is the coach's role to suggest options to improve ONLY if required.

With more self-awareness of their time perspective, the coachee opens up possibilities to understand more about their historical events that affect their perspective on their workplace as well as how their vision of the future pulls them to a good place or not based on their behaviours. From there it is possible to figure out the steps to take to change as required.

For the coachee, this view can be used as input to their coaching plan, to set some goals to acquire new skills and new behaviours (eg too much Present Hedonism might be an indicator of too much "good time, live for the moment" attitude and not enough time invested in the future thinking or planning and from there creating).

Step 5:
Several people find watching The River of Time video - inspired by the time theory - calming, reassuring and helps them to slow down enough to catchup with current reality.

I recommend also to complete Johnson's free online personality test as well as the free online Belbin test.

Additional Resources:

• Philip Zimbardo - The Secret Powers of Time is a 44 minute youtube video that has about half of the content I originally learned during the talk I attended.
• RSA Animate: The Secret Powers of Time is a 10 min youtube video that has less content again, is focused on the theory, and the infographic drawn real-time is wonderful!

Update on SEM

For those that are interested:
- Through May traffic (New AND Returning Visitors) to this blogsite tripled
- Through June traffic (New AND Returning Visitors) to this blogsite doubled
- Google impressions through June (when I started tracking those as well) have more than doubled
- Early days in July, but already looking on track to double again :-)

Thank you all readers and supporters!!

At the same time, my research with Twitter has come to an end for now - the Twitter disconnect from LinkedIn announcement on Friday seems like an opportune time to deactivate. In reality this site attracts far more new+real visitors (hang around and read for 4-6 minutes) via Google. :-)

Another phrase I remember from Will Greenwood's motivational talk

Another motivational/team building phrase I learned from Will Greenwood's motivational talk in 2010: "The strength of the wolf is the pack, and the strength of the pack is the wolf"

See 100 things, 1% better for the other!

1 phrase I remember from Will Greenwood's motivational talk

In 2010 I was fortunate to attend a motivational talk by English rugby hero Will Greenwood. Apparently his coach at time playing for the successful World Cup Rugby English team, Clive Woodward, pulled a lot of key motivational and team transformational statements/visions together.

1 of the phrases I still remember clearly from the talk is: "100 things, 1% better"

Wellbeck's just scored in the England-Sweden game and 1 of the commentators has just said "the only way he could have possibly scored!"

Which reminded me of Gary Player's famous quip / response to a spectator's "That was luck!!" after sinking an incredibly long and complicated putt. Gary replied "You're right! The more I practice, the luckier I get!"

Back to "100 things, 1% better" - it really is easier to improve lots of things a little, than 1 "bad" thing a lot. And the results...Will certainly made it clear (and is apparently earning a good income as a motivational speaker these days!): SUCCESS! (aka VICTORY!)

See The Strength of the Wolf is the Pack, the Strength of the Pack is the Wolf for the other!

Interesting ways to turn things around: If 1 person tells you...

There is an old story that goes something like:

"If 1 person tells you are drunk, then THEY are probably drunk.
 If another person tells you are drunk, then YOU are probably drunk!"

Let that sink in for a moment. There seems to be some truth in there, that applies not only to intoxication but to all our human behaviours!

A friend of mine added something like:

"And hence all the excuse and motivation you need to stay out and dance it all away before closing time/midnight/dawn!"

Perhaps dancing is one of your strengths if drinking is not! :-)

My latest saying - Oil And Water Mix Only When Shaken

Oil and water don't mix, without a lot of shaking!

My latest saying - Together We Stand At Least A Chance

Together we stand...at least a chance!

Thanking Your Teacher

Teachers' Best Thank You Present

"The best way of making an offering to your teacher is to practise what you have been taught"

- HH The Dalai Lama from "The Essential Dalai Lama"

...you can also thank THIS teacher/me by clicking any Google advert (it costs you 0), or buying my recommendation or anything else you happen to want from amazon.com/amazon.co.uk after following one of my Amazon links!

Thank you! ;-)

Studying without the desire

"If you study without the desire to relate what you are learning to your own life through practice, you run the risk of becoming hardened or apathetic"

- HH The Dalai Lama - "The Essential Dalai Lama"

The Inventor of the Wind-Up Radio

It is quite a good read from the inventor of the Wind-Up Radio - Trevor Baylis.

It covers great ground about inventing, inventors and a couple of other relevant topics: Trevor Baylis OBE.

Light Motivational Relief

Despair.com for wonderful miscellaneous motivational posters and sayings....all twisted into a very cynical viewpoint. It is a really good laugh!

Wabi-sabi

I stumbled onto "wabi-sabi" and thought "Yes!" that's a new saying for me, that would fit in nicely with this blog! It has apparently even been used in Agile and Wiki discussions! (no guessing where I found it!)

According to our great source of free intelligent information wikipedia on the matter, it has Japanese origin. According to the entry, a 'Richard R. Powell' summarized its meaning by saying "[wabi-sabi] nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect."'

Furthermore, the deeper meaning is also expressed by 'Andrew Juniper' as "if an object or expression can bring about, within us, a sense of serene melancholy and a spiritual longing, then that object could be said to be wabi-sabi."

I like it!

Thankyou for supporting!

Simple Fast Feedback For 1-1 Sessions In Professional Environment

Last year in early October our company went on its annual training camp. This is quite an event in the year as we (the people who work here) get to decide what we would like to train on, and as the different opinion groups form to propose to our management, if the groups are big enough, we're actually able to afford professional trainers out of our combined training budgets also!

My first training camp (I've been with Zuhlke Engineering since 21 May 2007) was actually in Marrakech in the Kingdom of Morocco. Some say the choice in location was because it was cheaper to fly all of us to there, stay in a good hotel with decent food, and hire their conference facility for the week, than do anything remotely similar in the UK or on the European continent. And I can believe this!!

Our camp was divided into 2 parts - soft skills (presented by a really excellent pair of facillitators (married husband and wife team!!) from Top Banana), and erlang (presented by our resident expert Ben Nortier)!

This blog entry is about just one topic Top Banana taught us - "Simple and effective 1-on-1 Professional/Personal Feedback". It is a darn difficult thing to give a colleague feedback, and it is a darn difficult thing to receive feedback from a colleague. Really.

Basically the "scene" is set with just 2 questions, and relies on sufficient trust to be effective. Sufficient is subjective but if (in my experience) one takes a deep breath and relaxes, and never begins a sentence with "You" (rather aim for "I") that is actually enough. This kind of relies on most humans actually not wanting to hurt (physically or emotionally) others. (reminds me of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you")

The 2 questions are:
1. What do I do that helps you in your work?
2. What do I do that hinders you in your work?

After that generally floodgates open if people are extremely comfortable discussing issues, and if not, at least both sides part the session having either aired a problem or discovered at least 1 thing they did not know about themselves previously that they need to digest and possibly later revisit or forget ... until the next 1-1 feedback session :)

It is that simple!

After the trip where each of us actually did these feedback sessions with everyone else, I have actually initiated this with all the people I work closely with, and as time allows I do it with my other colleagues in the office, whom I interact with significantly less. Of course this lesser interaction means that understanding relationships take a lot longer timewise to form, and the chances of problem-causing miscommunications exponentially rise!

Some lessons that I have learned that are VERY interesting:
1. I have blind spots that others definitely see and adjust themselves to!
2. Different people, depending on my conscious mindset or context adjustment I make mentally before I see/talk to them, give me COMPLETELY conflicting feedback!
3. Some feedback that I receive that I consciously do try to think about and incorporate in my behaviour/style goes COMPLETELY out of the window when pressured situations arise!
4. Realisation that I need to detect earlier when I am feeling "pressured", take a deep breath, a walk maybe, and realise life is not that serious! :)

Anyone can do this, but the first time definitely requires dynamic facillitation to help get over the uncomfortableness that generally exists amongst work colleagues, to explain and prepare the people involved for the new, prepare them to listen in order to change, and accept a challenging proposal - be honest.

"Seek first to understand, then be understood" was one of the strongest messages I took away from Marrakech ... which reminds me of the funniest insult I've heard in a long time (outside of a South African context where verbal insults are an art form in parts of the country) - this was between 2 food sellers in the Marrekech [fast] food market: "... AND YOUR MAMMA WORKS IN McDONALDS!!"

Feedback welcome!

My latest saying - All Good Comes To An End To Make Space For More Good

All good things come to an end...to make space for more good things!!