My favourite coaching tools: "What do I do that...?"

Caveats:

It is very very extremely extremely uncomfortable uncomfortable to ask for feedback the first time. But every time it is asked for, it get's a whole lot less comfortable. I teach my coachees to ask for feedback in this way, as well with their own customised 360 appraisals where the local HR system is insufficient in my opinion. But this caveat applies to really helping coachees take this first step, to requesting, and preparing them for receiving the feedback, and later on for processing what the feedback means and then deciding what to do.

I learned about this tool in 2007 on a soft skills training course and I don't know where the trainer found it. I have applied it successfully for my own growth approximately every 3 months for years and years now. I have also taught it to many others for their own growth for many years too. It is very simple, very quick, and extremely effective. Essentially this tool is also part of Peter Drucker's "manager's letter" which I previously wrote about.

Requirements:
A well selected colleague to ask in a safe environment
Paper/diary and pen

Step 1: Coachee thanks the colleague for coming to the meeting. Coachee explains that they would like to improve their effectiveness at work, and that this is 1 of the steps in order to do so. That this step is about understanding how others - the colleague - perceive the coachee.

Step 2: Coachee then asks the simple question "What do I do that helps you?". And remains open with facial expression, body language and speech whilst writing notes down on everything that is provided. When the colleague has finished, the coachee thanks the colleague for their input.

What Do I Do That Helps? Accept Your Feedback Whatever It Is!

Step 3: And now for the more tricky (cringe factor) question "What do I do that hinders you?". Again, thanks to the previous practice with remaining open and non-judging in Step 2, the coachee simply copies all the input down as it comes. This is not the time to process, nor is the time to defend. The job is keep listening and keep making notes, no matter what is said.

What Do I Do That Hinders? Accept Your Feedback Whatever It Is!

Most times what is said is quite good, insightful and valuable. Exactly what we want for self-growth! This is partly because we "prime" the other person's thoughts, and set the tone of the feedback with the opening "What helps?" question. Psychology is actually really good stuff - when used appropriately!

Occasionally an inappropriate attack or negative criticism is passed, but this is extremely rare in my experience, and also in my many coachees' experiences. The great thing about becoming adults is that we realise and learn to tone down our childhood ability to be just plain horrible to each other without realising how horrible we're being! Adults treat these opportunities to provide feedback to colleagues with respect and sincerity, usually.

(only some 2 year old psyches are walking around in adult bodies sometimes get nasty with giving feedback - and you can learn a great deal about yourself from them also!)

Step 4: When the input is completed, the coachee again thanks the provider.

Step 5: SOMETIMES MAGIC happens at this point. This is when the colleague has just experienced a MOMENT and now wishes to receive feedback also. And the coachee now becomes the mentor of this new tool as well as the provider of respectful feedback.

Step 6: Final thanks and wrap up of the session.

After the session, the input is now analysed for interesting (positive, negative, confusing, learnings, etc) things which I and the coachee discuss. Occasionally the input causes an emotional response - be prepared! Self-growth and self-awareness is not an easy ride. Remember to breathe!

Reflect And Grow Your Self, Help Them Grow Themself By Your Example

Over time, as the people giving feedback and the coachee become familiar with the tool, and with each other in this new dimension of their relationship, there does exist the opportunity to clarify feedback where it is vague or abstract. To ask for specific objective examples and separate out the feelings and really increase the level of empathy and understanding of what's really going on at work.

This data collected is then used as input to the coaching plan. Sometimes some of the feedback is so powerful to the coachee that they write key items on post-it notes and stick them up on the refrigerator at home, or monitor - anywhere they can see them often, can see them at the beginning of the day and be reminded to repeat, or to not repeat actions/behaviours which resulted in the feedback.

I suggest every 3 months initially and then as the relationship between the feedback requester and responder grows and changes, a natural rhythm will emerge. Of course if the coachee is not seen to be adjusting problematic behaviour from the responder's point of view, eventually the responder will stop providing so it is important to take on board the feedback and work on any issues discovered - sometimes maybe not changing own behaviour but helping the responder change theirs using influence.

My favourite coaching tools: Peter Drucker's "manager's letter"

Caveats:
Coaching with Peter Drucker's Manager's Letter has a little similarity to my previous tool posting Record, Typeup and Playback. I think this tool can be used for everyone, including your Self :). I might use this Drucker tool instead of Record, Typeup and Playback or I might use it with. It really depends on the coachee, and the manager, and if there is a particular aspect that has been highlighted and we all need a little more information before proceeding in the right direction!

I discovered the manager's letter in the fantastic book Essential Drucker (Classic Drucker Collection) that contains 26 chapters by ONE OF THE management guru's - Dr Peter Drucker.

I cannot highly recommend this book enough to anyone studying management or anyone wanting to become a better manager. It's the only book out of the hundreds I own and have read that I actually underlined, drew pictures in and made comments in the margins. I love my books and keep them in pristine condition but Drucker's ideas, tools and writing style inspired me to break my rules.

A few years later I read his other incredible and inspirational book from the 1950's - The Practice of Management!

Words escape me trying to describe or summarise main points. Every sentence and every paragraph on all but 2 pages expanded my thinking in some way. It took quite a while to get through that one - a great deal of introspection and reflection of past management situations to recall and reconsider.

Required:
Text editor
Sufficient time

The coachee writes a 1 page letter to their line manager or their peer. In this letter the coachee:

Step 1:  Identifies the superior's job's objectives, and the objectives of their own job as they see them.

This is not a copy-and-paste out of an intranet web page or HR tool. It is written concisely and clearly in their own language, and from memory/current understanding of these 2 areas.

What matters in this step and in each of the next steps is that the responses are really the coachee's perception of reality, uninfluenced by any external things.

Step 2: Next the coachee sets out the performance standards that they understand and being applied to them.

Again, not a copy-and-paste, and again brutally honest, own language, own experience, own understanding.

Step 3: Then the coachee lists the things they must do themselves to attain the goals, and also lists the major obstacles to attaining the goals.

Often organisations are adept at creating vague, abstract and almost meaningless goals, weak actions (which are not actually changes or growth makers) to achieve the goals and transparent obstacles in order to not offend anyone and to ensure some HR or governance checklist is all ticked off. Here again, it is important to get total honesty from the coachee and list real items.

Step 4: Next on the letter is the list of things the superior and company do that help, and the list of things the superior and the company do that hinder.

This is basically one of the most powerful and simple 1-1 solicited feedback tools I ever learned, used, still use and now teach! I even wrote it up as another favourite coaching tool - What Do I Do That Helps You? What Do I Do That Hinders You?

Step 5: The final piece of the letter is the coachee's proposal of what he/she wants to do over the next year to reach his goals.

Yes - the always important "call to adventure" that all such exercises conclude with. Without thinking through the next small change in the short-term future, that "thought precedes reality" stuff will not occur. So we have to lay the seed(s)/frame the future(s)/formulate the vision(s)...or just simply START!

The Manager's Letter should be deployed twice a year according to Peter's research and experience with the managers (and their departments) he was working with. I've not yet had the pleasure of seeing a second/followup letter but I hope my coachees who wrote it once with my guidance, at least write it for themselves, if not for their newly inspired managers.

Successfully deployed and used by managers and their reports, this rolling system of staying relevant and updating of goals and understanding in both directions is much better than forced HR/MBO systems which only uncover almost nonsense by only touching on 1 of the above 5 sections. Peter also advises that when used correctly, the manager can accept the letter which then becomes the agreed charter between manager and subordinate. But this really does require a substantial level of relationship between the 2 individual as well as trust within the greater organisation.

Drucker's Manager's Letter Helps Reports And Leaders Identify Gaps In Understanding And Plan To Align And Close Them

Of course, if there are surprises in the letter that expose some lurking misunderstandings, the chance to have clearing up conversation(s) and take corrective action(s) now exists! Before things go really bad unnecessarily. In general the writer and manager/peer/coach will have a good conversation to ensure everyone is on the same page before going further...and accepting the charter (modified or not).

Though, as coach, reviewing the surprises in the letters I have seen, and humbly inquiring - sometimes the coachee, sometimes of the manager - I have helped highlight how important every manager interaction and comment is. Subordinates constantly form incorrect impressions and hence behave in non-beneficial ways (good people making good decisions based on bad data). But once the correct intention is illuminated, things get better and easier! Alignment is a really powerful, commonsense thing to achieve in order to achieve greater goals together synergistically!

Coaching with Drucker's Manager's Letter can be used either as collection of data for reinterpretation, as well as to form a coaching plan. If taken "all the way" - to include the update with the manager - all parties are well primed for "Results-Based Coaching". Taken further, this Drucker tool can also be used in environments striving for deep democracy / sociocracy / stewardship - posts for another time!

My favourite coaching tools: Free online Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic - VAK - communication style preference assessment

Caveats
Some people really just don't get this, either. And, VAK confusingly can be applied to preferred/natural communication style, as well as to preferred learning style. This tool is for preferred COMMUNICATING style. (for VAK learning style assessment see my previous post: Free Online VAK Learning Style Assessment)

Again, this is a scaling assessment, and there are several around that you can download for free as well. I liked this for an online free tool as it is consistent with my previous more detailed ones in a proper psychometric test centre. Some tests actually highlight how strongly preferred the style is as compared to the others - this is useful to know as well, but I have not found it very useful for coaching purposes.

It does ask you for personal details at the end, but I managed to proceed to my results without completing the fields or providing real information.

Required:
Internet access
Quiet space
10-15 minutes

Step 1:
Give this link to the coachee:  http://www.new-oceans.co.uk/new/lsdi.htm. Again I think the best time to do the assessment is in the morning, before work really starts.

Step 2:
When the assessment is complete, you will have the 3 in preferred sequence for communicating.

You now have material you can use to support the coaching goals and plans where guiding communication is required (100% of the time?). Once you are aware of your own preferred communication style, and your coachee's learning style, you can tailor what you say to be much more effective. And vice-versa, once you know your preferred learning style and your coachee's preferred communication style, instead of "shielding out" inadvertently some information you are sent by your coachee, you can be more aware to receiving, albeit in your non-favourite style! I find coaching relationships where we both know each other's preferred learning and communication styles much more fun as it allows us to safely practice new approaches on each other, to prepare us both for using these tools with others that we are having "problems" with. Really useful stuff!

My favourite coaching tools: Free online Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic - VAK - learning styles assessment

Caveats:
Some people really just don't get this. And, VAK confusingly can be applied to preferred learning style, as well as to natural communication style. This tool is for preferred LEARNING style. (for VAK communication style assessment see my other post: Free Online VAK Communication Style Preference Assessment)

Again, this is a scaling assessment, and there are several around that you can download for free as well. I liked this for an online free tool as it is consistent with my previous more detailed ones in a proper psychometric test centre. Some tests actually highlight how strongly preferred the style is as compared to the others - this is useful to know as well, but I have not found it very useful for coaching purposes.

For this test you do have to give an email and some personal data which I do not like doing, and I got away with giving fictional.

Required:
Internet access
Quiet space
5-10 minutes

Step 1:
Give this link to the coachee: http://www.vak.solida.net/. Again I think the best time to do the assessment is in the morning, before work really starts.

Step 2:
When the assessment is complete, you will have the 3 styles - Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic in the coachee's preferred sequence.

You now have material you can use to support the coaching goals and plans where learning is required. You also have the approach you need when explaining concepts to the coachee - a real time saver and much more enjoyable experience for you and the coachee as compared to approaching from the worst angle. And even more enjoyable if you're going to have to explain in your non-usual communication style. Personally, once I realised what my preferred/natural learning approach was, I realised why I was bored out of my skull and kept falling asleep in school and university lectures. Really useful stuff!

My favourite coaching tools: 1-1 meetings

Caveats:

1-1 meetings can be intimidating, especially for those who have had none or very few, or they've been used by managers purely for reprimands instead of growth opportunities.

I've learned what I know through experience and reading - especially I think Johanna Rothman and Esther Derby's Behind Closed Doors: Secrets of Great Management is a must read for running successful 1-1's.

Requirements:

Safe quiet space - sometimes hiding in plain sight eg in canteens is also a good place so long as you can still hear and see each other perfectly.

Notepad and pen - I advise using low-fi as much as possible as they are less intrusive and always work. Easy to update later, and refer back to before your next meeting.

Optional:
Highly recommend scheduling 1 hour sessions every 2 weeks way in advance at a time in the diary of the coachee that is a good time - preferably not straight after their hard meetings and preferably not when they are most needed by their team members or managers for important things. Change takes concentration, focus and commitment - as coach you can't control these but you can be skilful in making them more possible.

Step 1:

The trick is to have an open discussion, full of open questions. At the beginning, it seems a bit strange for people who have never done this before to know what to say, what to ask, so it is important to build up a relationship by taking an active interest in discovery about what is common to both. To discover the opportunities where you can offer some advice or shortcuts, to discover other areas where you may need more tools or data from others to truly help the coachee.

I generally give my 1-3 minute intro, and ask the coachee to do the same, picking up on common career moments, or outside interests, or phrases or - whatever catches my attention. And then start to ask questions around those things, ensuring as I do that the coachee relaxes. If the coachee does not relax, there is always a next time to try again. While coaching is not counselling, deep relationships are still established and must be done sensitively and sensibly.

I take notes especially of things I can do outside the meeting to help - for instance referals to other people, books or websites. Towards the end of the meeting I setup a working agreement/plan about what I will do for the next meeting, and what the coachee will do eg meet someone, read a web site. In the early days the "homework" I give is usually short and used as basis for conversation in the followup 1-1 meeting.

Step 2:
I like to summarise the meeting in an email, especially what I have to do and by when, and what the coachee has to do and by when. For some coachees, this might be the opportunity to complete an Myers-Briggs for me/them (see Free online Myers-Briggs Type Indicator).

The way I create these summaries is important and simple. After every meeting, I summarise in email by forwarding the previous emailed summary. This creates a rolling log that is extremely easy to manage, always backed up by email servers, and a simple format to check progress - dates, timeline sequence, agreements, what was done, what was not done, etc very easy, and I've successfully used weekly rolling logs in this way for over a year. But this does not replace my low-fi notepad and pen for during the meeting - I sometimes also end up drawing things!

Step 3:
I do my "homework" (or actions if you prefer such speak). This begins to form the basis of trust for someone who does not know me - I do what I say, repeat, repeat. And I hope that the coachee is also doing their "homework". Sometimes I drop-in and check if I can help to ensure that the actions are being done - especially in cases where progress is slow or non-existent. I like to discover what in the workplace could be blocking the coachee - in order to strategise to unblock progress.

Step 4:
The 2nd 1-1 about 2 weeks later. It usually goes a lot smoother as the ice is broken and there is progress to report on both sides, and some homework to specifically discuss and put effort into. Or, there is no progress and this too is something to specifically discuss and decide to put further effort into or not. In opt-in engagements, people opt-in by doing, and they opt-out by not doing. There is no right or wrong as it is all about what can be done with the time and effort allowed.

I like to hear about what work problems were encountered since the previous 1-1. What they thought about the homework, what questions they have now for me. Then I like to clarify and rephrase my understanding. If there is homework output/outcomes then we discuss that for a bit (helps to know a lot more about the homework you've given in order to have a fruitful and enlightening discussion!).

During all this talking, again I am making notes like in the first meeting. And I am checking each item on the agreement list of what the coachee achieved, and what I achieved. Usually this cycle results in a couple more actions for both of us, and then I request the next piece of homework....

And this essentially is how I use 1-1's. They're status meetings, repeated, to enable shared understanding and for me to offer help as well as point in the direction of useful things as homework for the coachee. This inevitably creates more work for both of us - just enough for us to do in the 2 weeks inbetween.

Some tips:
If the homework is too much, then it is not completed - for either of us.
If the meeting is too long, then summarising it is too hard - try to always leave wanting more!
If there is no progress, and it seems like there won't be before the next session, decide together to stop sessions until there is enough slack time again for the coachee to continue their growth plan

For extra depth in getting 1-1's right, I also highly recommend Stephen R Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Interesting ways to turn things around: If 1 person tells you...

There is an old story that goes something like:

"If 1 person tells you are drunk, then THEY are probably drunk.
 If another person tells you are drunk, then YOU are probably drunk!"

Let that sink in for a moment. There seems to be some truth in there, that applies not only to intoxication but to all our human behaviours!

A friend of mine added something like:

"And hence all the excuse and motivation you need to stay out and dance it all away before closing time/midnight/dawn!"

Perhaps dancing is one of your strengths if drinking is not! :-)

My favourite coaching tools: Clustering

Caveats:

No caveats - so far over the years I have been using this, sceptics and even those who know the technique and have a feeling about what will be revealed, all use it willingly and correctly.

I first experienced clustering during a software project retrospective facilitated by 1 of my seniors in 2007. Since then I've read up on Esther Derby and Diana Larsen's Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great (Pragmatic Programmers) must have book, as well as Luke Hohmann's Innovation Games: Creating Breakthrough Products and Services, and seen just what gold clustering produces!

Requirements

Either a clean wall or large clean table surface

1 or more participants

Cards, Post-Its, or similar small, low fidelity things that are easy to pick up, have some information on them, and place somewhere else (for brevity, I will refer to these as just cards)

Step 1:

Each card contains either some writing (eg data collected from team members during a retrospective, news articles) or some graphic (eg pictures, photos, Archetypes, etc). Spread all the cards out and get the group to have a look/read through them in a timebox.

Depending on the size of the group, the number of data cards, 5-10-15 minutes should be sufficient for each timebox. It is the pressure of the timebox that drives the right outcomes in a group setting, but for 1-1 sometimes a little less pressure is more beneficial - be guided by your coachee!

Step 2:
Again setting the timebox, ask everyone to cluster: everyone has to find cards, attempt to keep them on the surface or near, 1-at-a-time, and move that card closer to one or more others that the card is related to in some way either obvious or not. Essentially we're facilitating the creation of categories without names (so far) that are important to this group, in this data, in a consensus building way.

Step 3:
Often the wall or table is too small for the group and/or number of cards, and often some members of the group like to stand back and watch, rather than participate. Your job as facilitator is to make sure every person moves several of the cards, and participates/contributes to the creation and destruction of the clusters. I often just use a "line up" method and request people to move back as I think they've had enough time, and request people to move forward as I think they have not had enough time.

A major team-building side-effect/benefit of a small room/surface at this time, is that people actually have to talk to each other and negotiate with verbal or non-verbal cues as they try to move past each other - which all adds up to better team understanding and cohesion! Of course this adds to Health and Safety concerns, so be sensible.

Step 4:
Once the clusters are settled, as facilitator you need to quality check them. Are all the bugs in the bugs cluster? Are all the specification problems in the specification problems cluster? And all the risks are in the risk cluster? And all those others we're unsure what to do with, they're in the miscellaneous cluster? Right?

WRONG! However, to extricate from the above incorrectness, a useful way is to take each miscellaneous card and recluster as much as possible from the unuseful clusters around that.

Alternatively, request the group to try again, this time finding other relationships such as timing, specific people, specific technology failures, specific bug etc etc ... and see what cluster data then appear. And then ask them to try again, and again, until really, there are some real and new themes that have emerged!

Step 5:
Now ask the group to collaboratively name the clusters according to the following rules:
1. Short concise descriptive sentences are better than
2. Short descriptive phrases are better than
3. A list of words are better than
4. A single word

And rotate the writer of the cluster name for each cluster. The group has reach consensus - again a great team building activity to practice in low-risk non-crisis moments! The name of the cluster is written typically on a different colour card, or with a different colour pen, or font, and is usually underlined to distinguish it clearly from "data cards".

If a good name can not be agreed on by consensus, often it means the cluster should be broken down again, and this is a good thing! People, especially in fast changing environments, learn more from retrying than just getting on with old themes, old behaviours, old attitudes. This is a high energy, exciting, engaging, positive, great thing to do, not boring, unless you're letting the person or group members do it wrong. A little uncertainty, discomfort goes a long way to really getting to the heart of [hidden] matters.

At this stage, for the coaching technique of clustering, we're done. We have allowed underlying themes hidden in data cards, to emerge into categories that are somehow, and some why, important to the individual you're coaching or the team you're facilitating, who have been making consensus after consensus, and not really trying to out-think the future consequence of the enjoyment they're getting from this physical exercise. And if you then "litmus test" the discovered themes, generally the coachee or group members agree they would never have suggested those as areas where there is some weakness or strength to be explored further with goal setting and plan creation to achieve.

Clustering can be used for so many purposes where there is data, and you're trying to let hidden themes  emerge.

(*tip, if you ever need to use post-its, experiment with them to find the best ones for your purpose. Usually you would want "super stickies" in bright neon colours. Also, these days post-its also come in A3 size even - perfect for walls where tictac or bluetac has been banned, and much cheaper than the really cool Magic Whiteboard which I also use and think is great for complex ad hoc charts!)

Thankyou for reading! Let me know how you get on when you practice!